Perceptions of an Ambivert

This article is part of How2Blogger’s Super Sexy Holiday ‘How To’ Contest which you can see at How2Blogger’s ‘How To’ site.

Now, there are reasons why you would want to dump your boyfriend.He may have made a pass at your best friend in front of you or would have acted real weird in front of your parents or made a faux pax that would have made you cringe with embarrassment.Let us not plunge into any more details.Each girl has her part of sorrow and digging it only makes matters worse.Well,In this how-to article, you will not only learn

*How to lose a guy in 5 days

but also

*How to act real smart before your beau acts smart

That's not all!You will also be given practical exercises as tips.Don't miss the fun!

I know how hard it is for girls to act under these circumstances.I also know how dumb we become after we fall in love.So, I am going to teach you 5 simple steps to lose a guy.The following steps are mandatory if you are in a real mess.Follow them to make the process a very simple one.If there's one thing that people can offer for free, it's advice and i'm giving you loads of it.Why not listen and act accordingly?Follow the steps for absolute fun!

A tip a day is what we are going to see.Read Carefully!

DAY 1:

I am telling you again.Don't look back.It's all painful.So, keep this is mind. V for Vendetta is your motto.With this in mind, start reading.Switch off your mobiles and lock the front door.Pretend as if you are asleep when someone knocks the door and tell them so(Who the hell said that girls are dumb?) Continue reading now..

#You have had an excellent time with your boyfriend yesterday.Amidst kisses and everything, you have told him he is the best thing that happened to you ever.Now, that was yesterday.Don't look back, if you do, there's no V for Vendetta for what he did to your poodle.Ah!Sonofab.. I can hear your voice from here. Don't get emotional.If your guy is smart you are gonna be double smart.And hiya, that's why you are here.You have chosen the right place.Now, you must have understood my point now. Yes, don't look back.Erase all the memories from your tiny head.Don't think of all the dinners you had had in your money or the stupid science-fiction movies you had hated or the time when he gifted you the "How to lose 10 pounds in 365 days" book, saying it was the only thing he could afford ,for your birthday.Forget it all, i know how tough it is. But do it now.Now or never!Take a diary and plan!After you are almost done, take out your personal diary.Call it "My hate book".Write everything you feel like writing about your guy and call him names. Just vent out your emotions.When you sleep, try not think of him.The most important thing is , don't pick up his call that day.Don't call him either.Think of ways to sleep without thinking of him and uh, you are asleep.

DAY 2:

#You have slept peacefully but you had dreamt of your ex-guy(Let's call him that now that you are all set to dump him).The dreams are all weird and you are panicked.You dream of him in silly costumes and in Halloween costumes and masks and you don't know what to do. Erasing memories is easy but what about dreams?You are going to learn to stop dreaming about your ex effectively.This is how you do it:

Pick up the following books and keep yourself busy. Don't move your bum an inch. Read them twice, thrice , well, till you manage to tell the quotes and tips by heart.Maintain the same logic.Send a message to your ex to this effect:" I am very sorry dearie. I can't make it tonight!I love you loads, woogie kins" though you detest him.Just a message with the woogie-boogie stuff should do the magic. The following books should do for now.Reading books is what you are gonna do today.Considering the time you have, i can only make it 4 for a day:

#The Anti-Love Campaign:What to do before it's too late by Honey Setmefree(#1 New York times Bestseller)

#Does only Love Suck?My Boyfriend does, too by Candy Crappe(#1 Worst seller.But i highly recommend it.

#1001 ways to dump your boyfriend just for the fun of it by Kissie Fire( Mr President's most favorite book or so he said in a recent interview. He said every girl must read this book in her lifetime)

#Why do you scare me even in my dreams? by Twinkle Soberfield( The sensational best seller that has pictures of the author's ex-boyfriend in scary costumes, designed by the author, of course. A must read)

Now that I have recommended you the books, go get them from Wiley's No-Nonsense Irrational Bookstore.You even have a special discount if you mention my name to him.

You will be damn engrossed and will become a voracious reader from now on.You may even read the book that your bf had gifted you before.No harm.No, silly, don't thank me, thank your bf.
BY the time you finish the books, your mind will be clear and fresh and gee, there are chances that you might even become innovative.Now, have a good sleep. Good night!Sweet dreams!



DAY 3:

So, there is this bright beam on your face that says everything you feel.You actually had dreamt about he books yesterday as they kept you occupied. You even had dreams about demons beating the hell out of your ex and even laughed!SO far, so good.Now, for two days, you have had no social contact.That's very bad!You need to spice up your love life.Suddenly you remember your high school sweetheart who always makes you go weak in the knees.Let's call this guy, mr gorgeous, in short Mr G,so that you don't get confused.You think of Mr G and would love to meet him. But how?You have not been in touch with him for about a year and when you think of the moments you and Mr G spent in the school, you feel like crying.I know how it feels like, dear, you can still have him.His blond curls and blue eyes make you feel nostalgic and you are not yourself.Now, stop sobbing like a kid and do a real search for the guy.Doesn't matter to what extremes you go to find him, like bribing the kid next door or calling your stupid friend who has always had the hots for you.Do it anyway.After you find his whereabouts, call him from the mobile that your ex had gifted ya.No feelings here, you feel nauseated when you think of him.You will get over it once you start dialing the no.

"Hullo" says a deep voice. You stammer when you manage to introduce yourself and when he actually talks to you, you laugh a lot unnecessarily and ask him if he's free for dinner the next day and say you miss him terribly.There's a slight pause and when he says "Sure, dear why not" you feel like flying .After talking for about several minutes,when he says he's to cut the call as he's busy, you don't mind the insult.You don't feel anything!You are all excited and laugh and fidget like a child.This is restlessness and i don't like the sign. So sit alone.Think of the moments you both spent together and go out.Talk to children.Go to supermarkets.Do window shopping and greet everyone with a "Hi" though none returns your gesture.Babysit.Tell the moron next door to keep quiet and let him watch the animated Mr Bean series.You read the books i recommended.The more you read, the more confident and smarter you become.In the evening, watch a tragic love drama and weep. Get used to all this coz after you dump your boyfriend, you need to cry.That's what everybody does right? Practise!

DAY 4:

Now that 3 days have gone, you are beginning to like what you do and prepare yourself for the worst!You are gonna meet the guy of your dreams and you are all excited.You can't wait to meet him. Call your ex-bf and tell him that you have a meeting with your clients and don't forget to tell him not to disturb him the whole day. Before your ex says anything, say sweet-somethings and cut the call.Later, message him that your mobile isn't as good as it was before.He will understand.Stupid, he should.

Go straight to your wardrobe and choose what you are going to wear for the grand day.The beige gown that has a plunging neckline is your first choice.But you are not ready to go that far yet.So you choose a simple green dress that matches your eyes. But, hey, you come to this conclusion after having made your wardrobe a real mess.SO, time passes away like seconds and it's already evening.In about an hour he is gonna come and pick you up.After you see yourself in the mirror for the thousandth time, Mr G arrives and you have a real nice chat.Nostalgia! And there's laughter all the way to the restaurant.

You are giggling when he looks at you for a very long time.That is when your mobile let outs a buzz.Gawd, it's your ex and you feel like killing yourself.With anger in your eyes you let the phone ring and keep it in silent mode.The mood is spoiled and you feel damn angry.But you none of this to Mr G.You have a terrific time and just enjoy the moment.

When he drops you at home, you feel like a high school girl and chirp like a bird. AFter you laugh over and over,eventually you fall asleep.You dream about Mr G and you in an intimate manner and you turn a deep scarlet.Strange, you have dreams about Santa Claus and your first kiss.

Today's lesson is Don't worry!Be happy no matter what happens.There's still some time left


DAY 5:

#You are finally going to dump your bf today and make Mr G your next bf.You are fresh and the Loreal effect is explicit.There's a shine to your face and you look like an angel.No, you have not gone wrong. Mr G calls first thing in the morning and you talk for hours.Next, you are calling your bf's mother(another moron) and make it a point to talk as irrelevant as possible.Make it short and at the last, don't forget to tell her that she's plain stupid. Tell her frankly that the whole world would laugh if she thought she were beautiful.Something like that.But keep the laughter out of your voice.Talk clearly without rushing.Cut the call when she calls you names.

The immediate effect is inevitable. Your bf will call you. But cut the call.You call him after sometime. He picks up the phone in the first call and talks continuously for an hour.Ask him a deadly serious voice "Why do I know that you are a real sucker? and laugh like crazy.Laugh till there are tears in your eyes.When your bf doesn't know what's happening and blinks, take the chance and tell him to read the books i mentioned. Cry for sometime and tell him you are real sorry and can't live with such a bloke.He gets angry and cut off ties with you.Have a terrific holiday with MR G and marry him soon.


Don't stop with that. Write a blog post on "What makes my ex the joker of the century?" Add illustrations to your article and bookmark it!Give it a big thumbs up in SU or digg it or submit it to all the bookmarking sites. Recommend my article to others and spread the word!

Now that you have read my article on "How to lose a guy in 5 days?" send me your opinions and tell me after you are successful.Send photographs of you are Mr G to my mail.Feel free to ask me if you have doubts.

Perceived by rampantheart at Tuesday, December 25, 2007 |    
Categories article, funny, funtime, how to, perceptions